Stikkord: society

Maps of Happiness: On the Hidden Geographies of Life

A reflection on the places, people and versions of ourselves that guide us towards the existence of happiness.

What if happiness is not a destination, but a geograpical line we reach through time?


The life I am still building

When we are born, there is a ‘map’ most of us are handed before we are old enough to question it. Depending on who, what and where we are, said map has roads supposedly leading to sucess;
Through independence, a career, a family and good achievements.
Some routes are wide and well paved, while others are narrow, expensive – or difficult to find all together.
And somewhere along, we are told that following these roads – in the right order, we will arrive at a good and happy life; where we are expected to have become someone.

But what happens when these maps are drawn out without the variation of human bodies in mind?

For many disabled people like myself, the road to ambition stops at a huge roadblock, not yet able to let us go any further. In similar fashion, the road towards independence makes a ‘not-so-small’ detour: towards hospitals, medications, surgeries, lack of job-opportunities, and various changes in what becomes accessible to you.

Our energies are not infinite.
You might have made big plans, but in a body that does not cooperate with them.

These roadblocks are not few – and have a tendency to infect every-single-are of our lives…
– When you want to create something meaningful, but the world keeps asking you to prove that you deserve the opportunity to do so.
– When said opportunity, for no apparent logical reason, requires you to go beyond what your body is capable of.
– And then when shit hits the fan, as said roadblock appears before more and more people, it is those who’ve always been excluded that gets the blame.



The map we were given

As a very ambitious – AND very disabled person, I have spent my entire life so far pushing my body towards the absolute edge of its limits – and paying the price for it in return.
This means learning what I can, and what I cannot do. it also means learning the language of hospital wards, the mathematics of my energy – and the strange geography of a world that does not always make room for people like me.
But fear not! Because my route is not yet finished!

There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting a career, a home, financial independence, a family – or the satisfaction of doing something well.
These are beautiful things to want!
The problem, however, begins when we mistake the arrangement of these things as the finite definition of a meaningful, happy life!

Most societies today are surrounded by a variotion of measurements;
– How much do you earn?
– What do you do?
– How productive are you in life?
– How independent are you?
– How much have you achieved?
– How far have you come towards your goals?

And when that is the daily background noise, whether it be from family, social media or even from your own internalized self; even the concept of happiness can become a performance. AKA; A carefully arranged exhibition of wellness, success and personal growth… And if your life does not resemble this exhibition, you are encouraged to consider – (excuse my language) – what the f. might be wrong with you?!
– Perhaps you’re just not trying hard enough.
– Perhaps you need to be more disiplined.
– Perhaps your ambitions are unrealistic.
– And, perhaps you should be grateful for what you have!
All of which are possible by the way!
And all of which are rational to consider…

But!
There is a particular cruelty in being told to dream smaller, just because the world as it is, refuses to make room for your dreams -thus shut them down with roadblock after roadblock for no logical reason what so ever.

I know ambitions can be complicated when you are disabled. There are many things I want to do, that require more planning than they might for someone else. And opportunities that come with practical barriers. There are days in my life where the current state of my body has a veto in my schedule, whether I like it or not.

But – and this is a big but!
I refuse to believe that the existence of limitations means I should stop wanting things. And I refuse to believe that a disabled person should be less ambitious in order to be more acceptable to society.

And I refuse to confuse a difficult route with an insignificant destination.



A different geography

Whether we like it or not, disability changes the geography of life.
Sometimes the distance between where you are – and where you want to go is measured in kilometres. Sometimes it is measured in personal energy.
Sometimes the distance between wanting something, and being able to do it is not a lack of motivation, but rather a lack of accessibility, support, health, money or opportunity.

Someone ones told me to stay in my lane, accept my defeat so as to not be sad.
But they got it completely wrong.
Because, the potential of my ambitions makes me happy!
And disabled or not, a dream can remain important while the route towars it changes…

If there is one thing I wish were more apparant about disabled lives its this;
We are not all standing at the same starting point, looking at the same road, with the same supplies in our backpacks.
– Silje Elsrud Yttervik

Some of us have spent years learning how to navigate our presence and existence in the world; becoming experts in our own limitations, long before we were old enough to understand why the world seemed so diffucult.

Some have had to learn the difference between accepting what is real, and surrendering to what other people expect of us.
That in itself is a strong distinction, and does not only apply to people with disabilities!

I can acknowledge that my body has limitations, withouth deciding that my future must be limited to said limitations:

I can plan around my health, without making health the only thing to plan around.
I can be ambitious and still need help.
I can take time to rest and relax – and still be serious about my work.
I can have a life that requires adjustments, and still want a life that is rich, meaningful, creative and full of possibilities.

A different route in life is not a smaller life.
It’s a different route.

What if happiness is somewhere else?

Perhaps one of the strangest things about the concept of ambition, is that it can be so closely tied to a spesific destination that we forget to ask whether we actually want to live there.
– Silje Elsrud Yttervik


We are told that happiness comes,
– With the perfect job.
– With financial success.
– With a beautiful home.
– With a good relationship.
– With the perfect body.
– With the perfect family.
In general;
– With the version of ourselves that has become entirely satisfied, achieving all their goals.

But, I believe that for most people,
happiness is not a destination marked on the map. Instead, I view it as a collection of places, people and experiences that make us feel the most like ourselves.

For me, that might be things like playing board-games for hours with my gamer-friends, or having lunch with my girlfrinds in between busy days. In having a fun conversation on the phone, or a walk in the forest behind my house, or visiting known museums while travelling to other cities/countries.

I also find happiness in truly personal things; like curating a safe, calm, clean and beautiful space just for my own pleasure – or listening to music on headphones at home, being completely enmeshed in my own creative headspace.

And it lies here;
in the freedom of knowing that while I have not completed all my dreams thus far – I still have time.
There’s still a road in front of me.

The map is not finished

My vintage-inspired globe placed on the desk with books, a bouquet of dried flowers, candles, and old writing supplies.

I do not know what my future will look like.
I know some of the things I want, some of the obstacles I will face – and I know that there will be times when I need to change my plan(s).

Some of these routes will take longer than I would like. Some things will require help; things I want to create – and directions I want to take, and versions of myself I have not yet met.

But more than anything, I think it is worth remembering, that as the world becomes eager to tell us how our lives should look – and as disabilities are treated as a reason to lower standards rather than a reason to rethink the structures around us;
a meaningful life does not need to follow the map given to us!
To not conflate ambition with achievement – or happiness with productivity.
These things are not the same!

And lastly, perhaps the most important thing we can do is to learn to distinguish between the things we cannot change, and the things we have not yet been able to imagine differently.
This is where true potential lies. And a possible beginning!

___________________________________________________________________


A small task for the week: Draw your own map!

I want to invite you to do something a little different this week.
Take a piece of paper.
On it, draw a map of the life you are building. You can use roads, rooms, islands, stairs, rivers – or just simply words scattered around.
Then ask yourself;

1) What did I learn that a good life was supposed to look like?
Which expectations did you inherit from family, society, school , work or social media?

2) What do I actually want my life to contain?
What matters to YOU specifically?

3) Which ambitions are still alive in me?
What keeps returning, even after dissapointment, illness, uncertainty or time?

4) What would make those ambitions more sustainable?
What support, resources, adjustments, boundaries or changes might help?

5) Where do I already feel like myself?
Places, people, activities or moments.

6) What is one small thing I can do this week that belongs to the life I am building?
A small move towards something bigger



– Silje

Independence is a Myth

What we call strength, is often just support we don’t see!

Today, there seems to be a quiet ideal at the center of (at least Western) modern society;

To be independent, to be self-sufficient – and to be practically unaffected by the world around you.
To need no one, rely on nothing, and to stand entirely on your own.
In turn, this is presented as ultimate strength, as success – and as something we should all strive towards.

The actual truth however, is much- much simpler, yet much harder to accept.
Because,
no one lives like this.

» There is no such thing as a self-made man. You will reach your goals only with the help of others.»
– George Shinn

Independence, as we have been taught to imagine it, is not based on reality.
It is a story we tell (to both ourselves – and to others) that works really well for the upholding of various systems, yet far – far less for actual human lives.

And for disabled people, this stings ever worse, as for us, it has never been true to begin with.

The easiest person, not the best one

As an example, this ideal of independence shows itself clearly in the workplace;
where we are told that ‘hard work’ leads to opportunity. That skill, edcation and persistence will open doors.
Now, I am not disclaiming that skill, education and persistence aren’t good qualities to have regardless, but in a workplace environment, most settings are not looking for the most capable person – they are looking for the easiest one.

From a Norwegian setting, this means that most businesses, at the moment they advertise a position, they either have a clear candidate in mind (a friend of the manager/ someone who already works there and knows everyone/ or someone who impressed someone else in said business).
You know; the one who requires the least adjustments, the least understanding – and who might cause the least disruption.

And this is a great example of where the myth of independence can become dangerous. Because, if independence is the standard, then anyone who requires support is immediately seen as a risk – as opposed to a qualified assett.
Not because they lack the right ability, but because they expose the truth:
No one succeeds alone!


Healing is not the goal – stability is

This same illusion also appear in how we talk about health.
We are taught to aim for recovery, to get better, and to return to whomever we were before. But for many of us, that ‘before’ version of life does not exist anymore.
My mother recovered from cancer, and she is now cancer-free! <3 But heavy cancer treatment tears down the body, regardless of how much strength you have – and my mother will never fully return to who she was before.

Furthermore, for some of us, this ‘healed’ version of self never existed in the first place. Thus, chasing a life free of any kind of disease or disability – can be its own kind of harm. Because, healing as it is often imagined, suggests an end point – a life where no more care is needed.
I was born with epilepsy; it sits in my brain. So, unless you remove said part in my brain (which for many is not possible), I will always have epilepsy.
Thus, for me, the goal is not to ‘heal’ from it – but rather, to remove the impact is has on my life. This means: have as few seizures as possible, with as few medications as possible, with the least amount of negative side effects as possible.

And due to this experience, chasing an end point to ‘healing’ sounds ridiculous in itself; as those lucky enough to age – will need some form of care sooner or later.
So what many of us actually need, is not independence from care – but, to get some form of stability from- and within it!

For me, this means a life where support exist consistently. Where systems adapt to what those within them need – and where needing help is not seen as a failure – but rather as a regular part of being human.

«The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.»
– Carl Rogers

Your home is not a failure – it is a response

The constant pressure to be independent, does not stop at work or health, it also reaches into our homes.
Staying home is often framed as avoidance from society, or as something to fix.
But for many of us, especially those of us with an unstable disability, home is not where we give up. It’s where we adapt – where our energy is protected, and where positive routines can exist without a constant negotioation.
It’s where ‘the good life’ seems possible again – and (should be) where the amount of daily stress miniscules only to what is absolutely necessary.

Many calls spending time at home lazy. But I think this is incorrect. True for some people – definately, but in such cases, I belive there are other issues (ex mental) that needs to be looked intoo first. For the grand majority, however – especially those with a disease/ disability; spending time at home, is the only way to fully relax.

Gratitude, and the quiet weight it carries

While I have expressed my gratitude to family and friends deeply in the past – and I fully stand by it, there’s no question that gratitude can also feel very heavy.

We are told to be grateful for what we have. And I belive most people are.
But very often, feeling gratitude can turn into expectations (from either party) – and said expectation can turn into pressure.

It’s almost as if feeling gratitude (for what we have) can make us feel like we must accept everything as it is. That we should not ask for more – after all, we should be grateful!
You want better treatment? – you should be grateful that you get any treatment at all!
You want a healthier work scedule? – at least you can get work!
You want cheaper medication? – Do you know how many people can’t get meds at all!
You want a more adaptable home? – are you aware of how many sleep on the street?’

And so, slowly – over time, we begin to stretch ourselves. We clean more than we should, work more than we can sustain, push further and further beyond our own limits, stretching ourselves thinner with every step.
Not necessarily because we are forced to do it – but because we feel like we owe it.

Slow is not the problem – the system expecting speed is

If independence is the true ideal, then speed becomes with what we measure.
– Fast recoveries
– Fast productivity
– Fast results

And anything slower is seen as falling behind. But what if the problem is not slowness itself?
Day by day, year by year new studies compile linking hustle cultures to poor mental/ physical health, slow childhood progress to undiagnosed – thus untreated disabilities, and fast-paced mental states to less ability to focus, less attention to detail – and a poorer quality of life.

So what if the problem isn’t slowness – but rather systems only able to function at one pace, all the whilst calling everything else a failure?

Remember, slow progress is still progress, and if fast paced systems insist on you taking tree steps forward – only to then have to take two steps back, you’re going to wear yourself out!
And sustainable lives are built far more often through patience, rather than pressure.

The truth we already know

While it may take some time for people to refraim it in their heads;
Interdependence is not weakness!

It is a reality the majority of people will experience throughout their lives.
Because, everyone relies on something.
Or someone.
Or on systems, structures, relationships and on support.

The only noticable difference is that some of us can’t pretend otherwise!

_____________________________________________________________

A small task

Take a moment to notice one place in your life where you already rely on something – or someone.

Then ask yourself;
«What would it feel like to see this not as a weakness, but as a part of how life actually works?»

You do not need to carry everything alone. No person were ever meant to.

– Silje

Når Kompetanse Ikke Er Nok: Et Brev Til Norske Arbeidsgivere

(English version further down!)

Hvis du er en norsk arbeidsgiver, er denne til deg. Tenk ikke på det som en anklage, men heler som et speil. Et speil, som viser elementer flere av dere i åresvis har prøvd å børste under teppet.
Fordi, for hvert eneste år blir den egentlige sannheten i dette landet, tydelig for flere og flere arbeidstakere. Sannheten du som en arbeidsgiver har prøver å mykne opp med ord som «kjemi», «tillit» eller «sosial tilpasning».

Hvis du er en ansatt i det norske arbeidsmarketet, som har følt deg utenfor – spesielt hvis du på noen som helst måte er funksjonshemmet, neurodivergent eller ‘bare’ født utenfor det «riktige» nettverket – er denne også til deg.

—

La Oss Begynne Med Det Ingen Tør å Si Høyt
Av en eller annen grunn, later vi som om Norges ansettelses-problemer handler om mangel på ferdigheter, mangel på motivasjon, mangel på disiplin eller til og med personlighetsproblemer!
Vi later som om funksjonshemmede- eller andre ‘uegnede‘ søkere blir avvist fordi de «ikke kan holde tritt», mangler de nødvendige ferdighetene
– og at unge mennesker rett og slett faller utenfor arbeidssystemet fordi de ikke prøver «hardt nok».

Men sannheten, den egentlige sannheten – er både større og eldre enn noe av dette.
Sannheten er at Norge drives av nepotisme.
– ikke meritter
– ikke rettferdighet (til tross for at vi prøver å mobbe alle til å tenke sånn)
– og definitivt ikke likestilling!

Nei, nepotisme!
Og ja, vi kan kalle det, det det er; en form for korrupsjon kledd i en ullcardigan.

Hvorfor Nepotisme Virker Så Harmløst For Arbeidsgivere
Arbeidsgivere rettferdiggjør ofte nepotistiske ansettelser på måter som virker rimelige;
– det er lettere å ansette noen jeg allerede stoler på, som jeg vet vil gjøre sitt beste
– Vi kan ikke risikere å gjøre feil ansettelse, da det er altfor vanskelig å si opp folk i Norge
– Vi trenger stabilitet, ikke usikkerhet.

Og ja, på overflaten kan denne type mentalitet virke harmløs og veldig komfortabel:
I stedet for å ansette en usikker person med riktig kvalifikasjon/erfaring, ansetter man heller sønnen til kollegaen sin, eller søsterens venninne. Noen man gikk på skole med, eller en som trener samtidig som deg.

Kostnaden For Komfort: Et Stille Klassesystem
Men det som aldri nevnes, er den enorme kostnaden denne typen «komfort» fører til.
Fordi, den langsiktige kostnaden, er at Norge skaper seg et klassesystem. Dette i seg selv er problematisk, da de grunnleggende elementene i et moderne klassesamfunn er stikk motsatt av de verdiene norsk kultur hevder å pålegge sine borgere – hvor hele «regler for deg, ikke for meg» passer ikke inn.

Fra en veldig ung alder læres norske barn at vi alle er like for loven.
Men arbeidsstyrken vår forteller en helt annen historie.
Når «hvem du kjenner» blir viktigere enn «hva du vet»/«hva du kan gjøre»
– skaper du ikke bare eksklusivitet, du skaper et urettferdighet og uliket.

Når et lands lover gjentatte ganger brytes av et stort antall arbeidsgiverne – og denne ulovligheten rammer de mest sårbare borgerne hardest;
samtidig som norsk kultur hevder å være både rettferdig og lik for alle mennesker,
da syntes jeg nordmenn bør akseptere at de gamle norske verdiene er døde.

I stedet er «Det nye Norge» verken rettferdig eller likestilt. Her har hvor langt du kommer i livet ingenting å gjøre med dine egne ambisjoner – og alt å gjøre med hvem foreldrene dine er.
– Født funksjonsnedsatt? Neida, vi vil ikke ha deg.
– Blitt kronisk syk på grunn av helseproblemer? – Nei, vekk med deg!
– Nevrodivergent? – eh – Nei! Enten er du som alle de andre sauene, eller så er du ikke her i det hele tatt.
– Ungdom med lav inntekt? – Ehm; lærte ikke foreldrene dine deg å begynne å bygge nettverk i en alder av 5 år!!
– Innvandrere? – Neida! De stjeler både alle jobbene våre, samtidig som de bare sitter på sofaen og får penger fra staten!
– Folk hvis foreldre har feil nettverk, og som ikke bare kan ‘ringe’ noen – Looooser!!!

Som norske aviser skriver:

«Uten et godt nettverk er du sjanseløs i de spennende jobbene.»
– Dagbladet 2001
(https://www.aftenposten.no/norge/i/x3VWV/viktigere-aa-vaere-populaer-enn-dyktig-i-jobben)

Videre skrev Aftenposten i en artikken fra 2010 at det er :

«Viktigere å være populær enn dyktig i jobben […] Selv om du er den dyktigste faglig sett, så risikerer du likevel å havne bakerst i jobbkøen, fordi du ikke har de riktige kontaktene»
– Aftenposten
(https://www.dagbladet.no/nyheter/nettverk-er-nokkelen-for-jobb/65724831?)

I Februar 2025 kom også The Local Norway ut med artikkelen «A hidden job market’: Why networking in Norway is essential for finding a job».
(https://www.thelocal.no/20250204/norways-hidden-job-market-why-networking-is-essential-if-you-want-to-find-work?).

Dette er med andre ord ikke en hemmelig fakta, og utviklingen av dette har pågått i minst 20 år.

Konsekvensene Ingen Vil Diskutere
Realiteten er at når arbeidsgivere bare ansetter sine egne kretser, gjør dere følgende:
– Dere undergraver innovasjon; uansett hvor smart, hvor innovativ og hvor kreativ du er, vil du aldri bli bedre enn den beste i kretsen. Når alle da er blitt like gode stagnerer utviklingen.
– Dere straffer kompetanse; hva er poenget med å bruke tid, energi og penger på å utvikle seg, dersom det som faktisk spiller noen rolle er hvem du kjenner?
– Dere lønner kjennskap fremfor ferdigheter; korrupsjon er korrupsjon uansett hvordan man vrir og venner på det.
– Dere setter de mest sårbare i en evig ulempe med sykdom eller funksjonshemming; mange av oss lever under fattigdomsgrensen, og uten mulighet til å bygge ‘attraktive nettverk’ vil våre barn ende opp uten de samme mulighetene som andres barn. Det å straffe barn for at foreldrene er født/ er blitt syke, er ummeneskelig i seg selv.
– Dere skaper fiendtlighet for alle som ikke sosialiserer lett; Mange nevrodivergente har vansker for å sosialiseres fra en veldig ung alder. Istedet for hjelp og mulighet, blir disse satt utenfor, ofte uten å skjønne hvorfor selv.
– Dere presser marginalisert ungdom mot gjengmedlemskap og kriminelle grupper: Ungdom som vokser opp i et samfunn der de hverken aksepteres eller får tilgang til muligheter som andre rundt dem får, vil ofte være lettere lurt inn i kriminelle miljøer, som det senere er nesten umulig å komme ut av.
– Dere kaster bort offentlige penger: på overdrevne byråkratiske stillinger som betyr lite i det store og hele, på bekostning av stillinger og samfunnsgrupper hvor den samme pengesummen kan være uvurderlig.
– Dere lar kvalifiserte mennesker falle mellom sprekkene: til fordel for nabosønnen hvis far er en advokat.
– Dere gjør Norge mindre rettferdig og mer ulik – år for år (her trengs det vel ingen forklaring?).

Og dette er ikke milde problemer heller, de er et store, og på et nasjonalt nivå!

En Kort, Men Ærlig Personlig Bemerkning
Som tenåring ble jeg selv ansatt i småjobber grunnet nettverket jeg og mine foreldre hadde. Jeg skriver ikke dette for å påstå at jeg selv ikke har sett de individuelle, positive sidene ved dette. Det er heller nettopp fordi jeg har vært vitne til det, både fra den positive – og den negative siden at jeg vet hvor dypt og urettferdig systemet er.

Et Siste Ord Til Norske Arbeidsgivere: Dette Er Ditt Vendepunkt!
Hvis du som arbeidsgiver ønsker ekte kompetanse, er du nødt til å åpne rekrutteringsprosessen.
Hvis du vil ha lojalitet på arbeidsplassen, må du slutte å bare ansette tremenningens beste venn.
Ønsker du mangfold, innovasjon og fremtiden du hevder å støtte, må du velge personen med ferdigheter over personen du deler kaffe med hver dag.
– Og for pokker, hvis du ikke er interessert i noen av disse tingene, ha integriteten til å innrømme det!

Norges arbeidsstyrke skal ikke være en privat klubb!

Og til dere ansatte som føler seg usynlige.

Vit at du sannsynlig aldri har vært problemet.
Systemet vi er tvunget til å eksistere i, er problemet.
Din verdi måles ikke etter hvor mange mennesker som tilfeldigvis kjenner navnet ditt. Kompetanse din er der, og den er sann
– selv om portvokterne til betalt arbeid later som de ikke ser den, til fordel for sin nyutdannede niese eller nevø.

Enten det er nå eller mye senere, vil fremtiden forandre seg. Den er rett og slett nødt til det, for å ikke stagnere. Det er bare å se på historien.
Men for at dette skal kunne endre seg i løpet av min levetid, er vi nødt til å begynne å fortelle sannheten om systemene vi har bygd.

Systemene vi lever i.

Og erkjenne hvorvidt vi godtar de eller ikke.

—

– ​​Silje

________________________________________________________________________________________

When Competence Isn’t Enough: A Letter to Norwegian Employers

If you are a Norwegian Employer, this is for you.
Not as an accusation, but rather as a mirror – because every worker in this country can already see the real truth you keep trying to soften with words like «good chemistry», «trust» or «cultural fit».

Now, If you are an employee who has felt shut out – especially if you are in any way disabled, neurodivergent, or simply born withouth the «right» network – this is for you too.

Let’s Begin With What No One Dares to Say Aloud
For some reason, we pretend that Norway’s hiring problems are about the lack of skills, lack of motivation, lack of discipline or even personality-issues.
We pretend that disabled (or otherwise»unfit») applicants are rejected because they «can’t keep up», lacks the nessessary skills – and that young people simply fall outside the system because they aren’t trying «hard enough»

But the truth – the real truth – is alot older than any of this;
Because, Norway runs on nepotism.
– not on merit
– not on fairness (despite trying to bully everyone into thinking as such).
– and definately not equality
Nepotism!
And yes, we can call it what it is: corruption in a wool cardigan.

Why Nepotism Feels So Harmless to Employers
Employers often justify nepotistic hirers in wannabe-reasonable ways;
– it’s easier to hire someone I already trust, who I know will do their best
– We can’t risk making the wrong hire, as it’s way to difficult to fire people in Norway
– We need stability, not uncertanty.

And sure, on the surfass, this kind of mentality may seem harmless:
Instead of hiring an uncertain person with the right credentials/ experience, you hire your colleagues son, or your sister’s friend. Someone you went to school with, or someone you workout with.

But what is never mentioned is the huge cost this kind of ‘comfort’ leads to.

The Cost of Comfort: A Quet Class System
From a very young age, Norwegian children are taught that we are all equal under the law.
But our workforce tells a very different story.
When «who you know» becomes more important than «what you know»/ «what you can do» – you don’t just create exclusivity, you create a class society.

And that is extremely hypocritical, as the fundamentals of class societies, is the exact opposite of the values Norwegian culture claims to impose on it’s citizens, and the whole «rules for thee, not for me» does not fit in.
Norwegian culture claims to be fair and equal to all people
– but when a countries laws are countinously broken by a large amount of its employers – and this unlawfullness affects the most vulnerable citizens the worst,
I think Norwegians should accept that the old Norwegian values are dead.
Instead, the ‘New Norway’ is neither fair nor equal. Here, how far you come in life has nothing to do with your own ambitions – and everything to do with who your parents are.
– Born disabled? Nah, we don’t want you.
– Gotten chronically ill due to illness? – Nope, away with you!
– Neurodivergent? – Nu uh!, Either you’re like all the other sheeps, or you’re not here at all.
– Low Income youth? – Umm – didn’t your parents teach you to start networking at the age of 5!!
– Immigrants? – Heck no! They steal all jobs that are payd unlawfully little, and only give it to families abroad!!
– People who’s parents have the wrong network, and who can’t just ‘make a call’ – Looooser!!!

As Norwegian newspapers write:

«Without a good network, you have no chance in the exciting jobs.»
– Dagbladet, 2001
(https://www.aftenposten.no/norge/i/x3VWV/viktigere-aa-vaere-populaer-enn-dyktig-i-jobben)

Furthermore, Aftenposten wrote in an article from 2010 that it is:

«More important to be popular than skilled at work […] Even if you are the most skilled academically, you still risk ending up at the back of the job queue, because you do not have the right contacts»
– Aftenposten, 2010
((https://www.dagbladet.no/nyheter/nettverg-er-nokkelen-for-jobb/65724831?)

In February 2025, The Local Norway also published the article
«A hidden job market’: Why networking in Norway is essential for finding a job».
(https://www.thelocal.no/20250204/norways-hidden-job-market-why-networking-is-essential-if-you-want-to-find-work?).

In other words, this is not a secret fact, and the development of this has been going on for at least 20 years.

The Fallout No One Wants to Discuss
The reality is that when employers only hire from their own circles, you are doing the following:

– You are making Norway less fair and more unequal – year after year (no explanation needed here, right?).

– You are undermining innovation; no matter how smart, innovative and creative you are, you will never be better than the best in the circle. When everyone is equally good, development stagnates.

– You are punishing competence; what is the point of spending time, energy and money on developing yourself, if what actually matters is who you know?

– You are rewarding knowledge over skills; corruption is corruption no matter how you twist and turn it.

– You are putting the most vulnerable at a perpetual disadvantage with illness or disability; many of us live below the poverty line, and without the opportunity to build ‘attractive networks’ our children will end up without the same opportunities as other people’s children. Punishing children for being born/having become ill is inhumane in itself.

– You are creating hostility towards anyone who does not socialize easily; Many neurodivergents have difficulty socializing from a very young age. Instead of help and opportunity, they are left out, often without realizing why themselves.

– You are pushing marginalized youth towards gang membership and criminal groups: Young people who grow up in a society where they are neither accepted nor given access to opportunities that others around them have, will often be more easily lured into criminal environments, from which it is later almost impossible to get out.

– You are wasting public money: on excessive bureaucratic positions that mean little in the grand scheme of things, at the expense of positions and social groups where the same amount of money can be invaluable.

– You are letting qualified people fall through the cracks: in favor of the neighbor’s son whose father is a lawyer.

And this is not a mild problem, it’s a huge, national one.

A Brief But Honest Personal Note
As a teenager, I myself was employed in odd jobs due to the network that my parents and I had. I am not writing this to claim that I have not seen the individual, positive sides of this myself. Rather, it is precisely because I have witnessed it, from both the positive and negative sides, that I know how deeply and unjust the system is.

A Final Word to Employers: This Is Your Turning Point
A final word to Norwegian employers: This is your turning point!
If you want real expertise as an employer, you need to open up your recruitment process.
If you want loyalty in the workplace, you need to stop hiring just the best friend of the three.
If you want diversity, innovation, and the future you claim to support, you need to choose the person with the skills over the person you share coffee with every day.
– And damn, if you are not interested in any of these things, have the integrity to admit it!

Norway’s workforce should not be a private club!

And To Employees Who Feel Invisible.
Know that you have probably never been the problem.
The system we are forced to exist in is the problem.
Your value is not measured by how many people happen to know your name. Your expertise is there, and it is true
– even if the gatekeepers to paid work pretend not to see it, in favor of their newly graduated niece or nephew.

Whether it is now or much later, the future will change. It simply has to, in order not to stagnate. You just have to look at history.
But for this to change in my lifetime, we have to start telling the truth about the systems we have built.

The systems we live in.

And acknowledge whether we accept them or not.

​​​​Silje


Finding strength through life’s hurdles

For the longest time, my life has seemed like a constant crossroad of two polar opposites. The life of someone who never really grew up, yet at the same time, someone who never behaved like a typical child; instead, way to grown, even at a young age. My mother likes to say that I was born 60 years to late – yet simultaneously, it’s like I was born way to early. What I remember being consistent understandings and realisations during my elementary school years, some of my aquaintances first came to realise in their early 30’s.

This is not to say that I am somehow superior to other people – I do not think that.
I do however get the impression that I am supposed to feel inferior to others, whether it be due to my disability, or my current lack of employment. Yet, when I look at the troubles that seem to stand in the way of most people, I cannot get myself to feel inferior either. Because while its true – I am partially disabled, and because of the difficulty of finding part-time work within my field, I am also currently unemployed. But I was not raised to sit around and sulk over my ‘failures’, especially when they are not really my failures to begin with.

Its unfortionate that many societies (my own included) look at disabilities as something ‘end all, be all’ that completely ruins your life. However, I don’t think like that. There are hurdles I will have to overcome that other people wont. And no matter what field I try to enter into, I will always have to be a little bit better than the others. And I will have to stand strong and solid in every idiotic situation that may occur. I personally may not like that – but it does not change reality.

However, reality is not always negative. After all, my mental health is solid. I have a great network of family and friends supporting me – and we all work for eachother. I know who I am, what I like -and not, and I’ve never been afraid to implement strong boundaries to keep my life as peaceful and drama – free as possible. And the people who dont respect that – or respect me, they are gone after the first misstep.
More than anything, I like myself, and in this day and age, that in itself is not a given.

So whoever you are, whatever you do and whatever unfortiune your life may be plagued with – don’t worry about it. Do what you can to make your life as good as possible (perferrably without making someone elses’ worse!), fix what you can – and except what you can’t. And remember, just becuause someone else seems to live a perfect life, does not mean that they are happy. You never know what someone else may be going through.
– According to Silje!

I was made for another planet altogether. I mistook the way
/ Simone de Beauvoir