For the longest time, my life has seemed like a constant crossroad of two polar opposites. The life of someone who never really grew up, yet at the same time, someone who never behaved like a typical child; instead, way to grown, even at a young age. My mother likes to say that I was born 60 years to late – yet simultaneously, it’s like I was born way to early. What I remember being consistent understandings and realisations during my elementary school years, some of my aquaintances first came to realise in their early 30’s.
This is not to say that I am somehow superior to other people – I do not think that.
I do however get the impression that I am supposed to feel inferior to others, whether it be due to my disability, or my current lack of employment. Yet, when I look at the troubles that seem to stand in the way of most people, I cannot get myself to feel inferior either. Because while its true – I am partially disabled, and because of the difficulty of finding part-time work within my field, I am also currently unemployed. But I was not raised to sit around and sulk over my ‘failures’, especially when they are not really my failures to begin with.
Its unfortionate that many societies (my own included) look at disabilities as something ‘end all, be all’ that completely ruins your life. However, I don’t think like that. There are hurdles I will have to overcome that other people wont. And no matter what field I try to enter into, I will always have to be a little bit better than the others. And I will have to stand strong and solid in every idiotic situation that may occur. I personally may not like that – but it does not change reality.
However, reality is not always negative. After all, my mental health is solid. I have a great network of family and friends supporting me – and we all work for eachother. I know who I am, what I like -and not, and I’ve never been afraid to implement strong boundaries to keep my life as peaceful and drama – free as possible. And the people who dont respect that – or respect me, they are gone after the first misstep.
More than anything, I like myself, and in this day and age, that in itself is not a given.
So whoever you are, whatever you do and whatever unfortiune your life may be plagued with – don’t worry about it. Do what you can to make your life as good as possible (perferrably without making someone elses’ worse!), fix what you can – and except what you can’t. And remember, just becuause someone else seems to live a perfect life, does not mean that they are happy. You never know what someone else may be going through.
– According to Silje!
I was made for another planet altogether. I mistook the way
/ Simone de Beauvoir