identity – (Dis)Abled Creations

On Identity, slow-living, and the power of not apologizing

I like to think of my identity as a house. Different rooms in said house represents different aspects of my identity. Some rooms are small – other big, some are practically libraries, or warm kitchens full of memories. And some rooms are locked, as we’re still not sure how to enter them. Regardless of their size, and whether we are aware of them or not, each room represents parts of ourselves.

The problem arises however, when the rest of the world barges in, points at the first hallway they can find – and claims that «this is you, this is all that you are!»
For me, in recent times that hallway has most often been named «disabled».
They see the seizures, the paperwork, the pacing. They see my body moving differently or my voice halting from aphasia and assume that this single narrow corridor is the entire structure of who I am. But here’s what they don’t know:

That hallway leads to a whole damn palace.

Yes, I am partially disabled. I’m queer. I’m a woman. But use any stereotypical elements to describe me based on these categories, and you will be completely wrong. OK, not completely – as I do have a love for septum-piercings and I do have big hips. But that’s about It.

«Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)»
– Walt Whitman

So who gets to name your house?
Your Identity is not a one-room apartment. It’s a wild construction project of life experience, desire, emotion, history and sometimes even trauma. But the world doesn’t like mess or multiplicity. It wants easy-peacy simple signs; «woman», «disabled», «burdensome», «Inspirational».

I am a women of intellect and instinct. Highly ambitious but with a slow-living agenda. I’ve had a feminist, political rage in one hand and a childlike wonder in the other. I carry the knowledge of centuries of cultural memory, dreams for the future, and griefs I haven’t yet named. I am both very kind, and very stoic; higly neurotic – but also very practical. At this day and age, most of my doors are open, and I will not allow myself to be reduced.

Because too many of us, whether we’re disabled, queer, neurodiverse etc – we learn to play small. To shrink ourselves to the stereotypes that does not match us, just so that other people can place us in boxes we’re way too big for. We decorate the hallways of the house that is ‘us’, but never dare to open the door to the art studio, the debate chamber or the garden; rooms where our joy lives without supervision.

«I will not have my life narrowed down.
I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim, or to somebody else’s ignorance.»
– bell hooks

Personally, I believe we have no other choice than to open these doors. To fully accept and reclaim every inch of the internal home we’ve built, even the parts that seem broken, and in need of repair.
It might take a while, but with the right mending, it will be repaired!

Now I know, the world runs fast – and I don’t. That’s not a flaw.
Whether I like it or not, being disabled, while not my entire identity, does influence parts of it. Amongst other things, my pace is often slower. I get easily interrupted or paused – not because I lack drive, or lack the ability to multitast – but because my brain will litterally stop me from doing anything (including stop me from breathing) if my body feels too stressed, too exhausted or too tired.
This used to make me feel bad and broken. Used to make me feel lazy and lost.
But then I realized: everything sacred in nature moves slowly. Seasons don’t rush. Trees and flowers doon’t bloom on demand. Grief, love, healing – all of it takes time. Why should my life be any different?

«Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience».
-Ralp Waldo Emerson

Slowness and slow-living taught me to think even deeper. To notice what other’s speed past. In turn, it is rare that I watch a movie or a new TV-show without constantly guessing right about what’s to come (White Lotus, anyone?). Or meeting a new person and just understanding who and how they are within the first 30 minutes.
Not because this is particularly special in any way, but because allowing yourself to work, think, see and act slowly – also (quite often) leads to more detail-oriented steps ahead.
It has certainly helped me to build ideas brick by brick instead of by burnout.
And by showing me that being slow doesn’t mean being less – it just means being highly intentional.

And if the world in their ‘one hallway view’ calls that weakness or laziness, I call it a revolution.
___

Because, I do not apologize for being fully myself!
I’ve opened all the doors, and I let them stay open.
Because, being wholly yourself is not a performance, it’s a right.
I have known white – hot rage as a child, watching how I was treated in school. I’ve felt heartbroken over things I may never experience, and fear over what epilepsy and aphasia means for my future. I’ve also felt fire and brilliance move through me like a thunderstorm, and extreme joy over fun, life-altering experiences.
And none of it cancels anything else. Each room belong in the same house.

We are not meant to live inside the hallway. We are meant to inhabit our homes fully; to bloom in all the rooms built for us. Without apologies, without shrinking ourselves intoo palatable versions to make other’s comfortable – but with the soul-deep knowledge that this body, this mind, this identity is ours.
An no one else gets the final word on what that means.

So take up space, and let them misunderstand. Speak without softening your syllables, and let them question. Let them knock on doors they’ll never be invited through, and live like your voice is proof that you belong here –
Because it is. Because you do.

Lastly, a task for you, reader:

Take a moment today to explore the house of yourself.

1. What rooms have you been hiding?
2. Who told you they weren’t worth showing?
3. Where have you rushed when slowness would have healed?
4. What would it mean to live your multitudes without apology?

Write a list. Make a drawing. Take a photo. Share it or don’t. Just begin.
And if you ever feel someone trying to reduce you to a single hallway, smile, and say: “You haven’t even seen the rooftop.”

– Silje
_______

Want to go deeper? Try these books:

“Sick Woman Theory” by Johanna Hedva – an essay and framework about invisible illness, resistance, and political care.

“How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy” by Jenny Odell –
a lyrical call to reclaim slowness, attention, and meaning in a world obsessed with urgency.
___

In a world where apperances and personalities are often curated and filtered through social media, self-acceptance stands as a powerful act of courage and authenticity. It is not just a feel-good concept, it’s the foundation for how we present ourselves to the world, and – more importantly, how we connect (or disconnect) with other people.

The very first ‘self-identity’ advice my parents gave me, was to be myself fully and authentically – always. I don’t remember how young I was, but I know it was during a time when my general kindness often lead to people walking right over me. So for my parents, this advice was more about teaching me to stand up for myself, so as not to end up around a bunch of people who’d kick me under the buss later in life. And it certainly worked. First of all because, while I didn’t stop being kind per se, my kindness became much more exclusive – only afforded those who offerered me a similar kindness in return. Thus, if someone didn’t like me because of, well – Me, that was their problem. So everytime I decided something regarding my apperance or choices that was authentic to me – and my parents, friends, peers or other family members didn’t accept it, they knew I would just consider it their problem, as I was told to do.

Despite this, even from a young age, this would not have worked without the key ingredience of ‘self-acceptance’. Self-acceptance means embracing all parts of yourself; your strengths, flaws, past mistakes and unique quirks withouth too harsh judgement. It’s an acknowledgement of who you are at the base, and understanding that your worth as a human being isn’t conditional on your perfection, or on approval from other people.

Whats’s more, self-acceptance is also an important component of a person’s self-preservation. Because, without first accepting yourself – fully, self-preservation becomes a performance act; where you edit your personality to fit into other people’s idea of what is/ isn’t acceptible. This in turn leads to a whole can of worms, like anxiety, imposter syndrom and constantly feeling like you’re not good enough.
But when you accept yourself fully for who you are, your confidence becomes grounded in reality, and you don’t have to pretend or perform anymore. This in turn makes you magnetic.

To use an example from my own life; During my teenage-years, and early-to-mid twenties, I could at times be quite the drama-queen. It wasn’t often, mind you – but aproximately every tree – five years I would have a major drama-outburst, and act all crazy. It’s a bit fascinating too, because I hate drama and drama shows, and prefer to be left out of things that doesn’t involve me. But for many years this would happen. For a long time I simply ignored it, hoping it wouldn’t happen again, but it was only when I accepted that I can become this way – and that it was rooted in deep-seated wounds from feeling unaccepted and ignored by peers in primary school, that I stopped behaving this way. This does not mean that I condone shitty behaviour (neither my own nor others’), but knowing and accepting that It is a part of me at times, is the first step. So instead, I would talk to my friends about it, and be vulnerable (ps, I have good friends), and suddenly, drama-Silje was not a problem anymore.

Because, self-preservation does not mean that you are immune to being hurt, or feeling sad that you are aren’t accepted. It simply means that whether you are accepted or not, you decide not to change if and for anyone other than yourself. And, when rooted in self-acceptance, self-preservation is how you choose to show up: verbally, visually and emotionally, reflecting the real you.

Furthermore, this form of self-treatment also tends to lead to:
– Authentic relationships, as most people are drawn to those who are genuine.
– An Improved mental health, as there is less pressure to be perfect.
– Stronger communication skills, as you learn to express yourself clearly and honestly.
– A confidence that sticks, as it is not built upon other people’s approval.

However, self-acceptance does not just happen by itself. Instead, it is learned, slowly through practice. First of all you have to recognize your inner critic. Take notice of when you’re being unkind to yourself. Is this rooted in you doing something bad – or is it rooted in perfectionism? Secondly, Celebrate what makes you unique! Whether physical or mental- what makes you different from other people is what makes you – you. Thirdly, and this is one I struggled with alot: forgive yourself, and let go of your past mistakes. Learn from them, yes – but not at the expense of getting stuck in the middle of a growth-journey.

The fourth way to implement self-acceptance intoo your life, is to start speaking kindly to yourself. Think of yourself as your dearest family member or friend; if you wouldn’t talk to them the way you talk to yourself, then stop doing it. And finally, be consistent. Self-acceptance is a daily practice. Being accepting of oneself one day, and then talking absolute crap the rest of the week, is like taking one step forward and 20 steps back. so be consistent in your practice.

Because, self acceptance isn’t about giving up on growth – it’s about growing from a place of wholeness instead of lack. When you accept yourself, you give others permission to do the same. And when you present yourself with authenticity, you make the kind of impact that last.

– According to Silje