In a world where apperances and personalities are often curated and filtered through social media, self-acceptance stands as a powerful act of courage and authenticity. It is not just a feel-good concept, it’s the foundation for how we present ourselves to the world, and – more importantly, how we connect (or disconnect) with other people.
The very first ‘self-identity’ advice my parents gave me, was to be myself fully and authentically – always. I don’t remember how young I was, but I know it was during a time when my general kindness often lead to people walking right over me. So for my parents, this advice was more about teaching me to stand up for myself, so as not to end up around a bunch of people who’d kick me under the buss later in life. And it certainly worked. First of all because, while I didn’t stop being kind per se, my kindness became much more exclusive – only afforded those who offerered me a similar kindness in return. Thus, if someone didn’t like me because of, well – Me, that was their problem. So everytime I decided something regarding my apperance or choices that was authentic to me – and my parents, friends, peers or other family members didn’t accept it, they knew I would just consider it their problem, as I was told to do.
Despite this, even from a young age, this would not have worked without the key ingredience of ‘self-acceptance’. Self-acceptance means embracing all parts of yourself; your strengths, flaws, past mistakes and unique quirks withouth too harsh judgement. It’s an acknowledgement of who you are at the base, and understanding that your worth as a human being isn’t conditional on your perfection, or on approval from other people.
Whats’s more, self-acceptance is also an important component of a person’s self-preservation. Because, without first accepting yourself – fully, self-preservation becomes a performance act; where you edit your personality to fit into other people’s idea of what is/ isn’t acceptible. This in turn leads to a whole can of worms, like anxiety, imposter syndrom and constantly feeling like you’re not good enough.
But when you accept yourself fully for who you are, your confidence becomes grounded in reality, and you don’t have to pretend or perform anymore. This in turn makes you magnetic.
To use an example from my own life; During my teenage-years, and early-to-mid twenties, I could at times be quite the drama-queen. It wasn’t often, mind you – but aproximately every tree – five years I would have a major drama-outburst, and act all crazy. It’s a bit fascinating too, because I hate drama and drama shows, and prefer to be left out of things that doesn’t involve me. But for many years this would happen. For a long time I simply ignored it, hoping it wouldn’t happen again, but it was only when I accepted that I can become this way – and that it was rooted in deep-seated wounds from feeling unaccepted and ignored by peers in primary school, that I stopped behaving this way. This does not mean that I condone shitty behaviour (neither my own nor others’), but knowing and accepting that It is a part of me at times, is the first step. So instead, I would talk to my friends about it, and be vulnerable (ps, I have good friends), and suddenly, drama-Silje was not a problem anymore.
Because, self-preservation does not mean that you are immune to being hurt, or feeling sad that you are aren’t accepted. It simply means that whether you are accepted or not, you decide not to change if and for anyone other than yourself. And, when rooted in self-acceptance, self-preservation is how you choose to show up: verbally, visually and emotionally, reflecting the real you.
Furthermore, this form of self-treatment also tends to lead to:
– Authentic relationships, as most people are drawn to those who are genuine.
– An Improved mental health, as there is less pressure to be perfect.
– Stronger communication skills, as you learn to express yourself clearly and honestly.
– A confidence that sticks, as it is not built upon other people’s approval.
However, self-acceptance does not just happen by itself. Instead, it is learned, slowly through practice. First of all you have to recognize your inner critic. Take notice of when you’re being unkind to yourself. Is this rooted in you doing something bad – or is it rooted in perfectionism? Secondly, Celebrate what makes you unique! Whether physical or mental- what makes you different from other people is what makes you – you. Thirdly, and this is one I struggled with alot: forgive yourself, and let go of your past mistakes. Learn from them, yes – but not at the expense of getting stuck in the middle of a growth-journey.
The fourth way to implement self-acceptance intoo your life, is to start speaking kindly to yourself. Think of yourself as your dearest family member or friend; if you wouldn’t talk to them the way you talk to yourself, then stop doing it. And finally, be consistent. Self-acceptance is a daily practice. Being accepting of oneself one day, and then talking absolute crap the rest of the week, is like taking one step forward and 20 steps back. so be consistent in your practice.
Because, self acceptance isn’t about giving up on growth – it’s about growing from a place of wholeness instead of lack. When you accept yourself, you give others permission to do the same. And when you present yourself with authenticity, you make the kind of impact that last.
– According to Silje