Disabled Creator – Silje Elsrud Yttervik

On growing older, changing stories, and realizing we were seen differently all along

So, first off – I turned 35 at the end of last week.
Birthdays often have a way of making me look backwards. Not only at the years themselves, but at the people we used to be.

Or, perhaps more accurately; the people we thought we were…

For a very long time, I believed I knew exactly
how other people remembered me.
– The fat girl
– The tired girl always skipping classes
– The strange girl
– The gothic metalhead

in general
– The one who was different

These assumptions made perfect sense to me.
After all, they were built over years and years of being bullied, and feeling misunderstood,
treated like I was different, and constantly wondering why I never seemed to fit in with everyone else.

When people tell you that you are strange, ugly and fat often enough, the natural way of our cognitive brain reacts to this, is to simply belive it’s true.

Looking back, I think that’s partly why I embraced the goth-inspired look as a teenager.
Don’t get me wrong, I genuinely liked what I wore – still do to a certain extent – but if I’m being honest, I also think I wanted to have a sense of «feeling in control».

As in, if people were going to call me strange and ugly anyway, I might as well make sure I could decide ‘why’ they were saying it. If people thought I looked unusual or strange – at least make sure it’s because I chose to dress unusuall-y.

And for me, at least to some extent – there is a strange comfort in choosing and being in charge og the thing people judge you for.
perhaps because it hurts less than believing that you never had a choice about it in the first place…

And after experiencing both examples of this during my first elementary and secondary school years, I definately belive it’s true.

I often think about a boy I knew in high-school.
He had a physical, very visible disability and we built a strong connection early on. He was highly intelligent, funny, a bit sarcastic – but far kinder than what most people realized.

Yet, I kept noticing that during classroom discussions he would occasionally say something deliberately shocing or crude, that would leave me totally flabbergasted!
Because I knew this person; and all of these comments were
completely out of character.

At the time I couldn’t understand it. But years later, I wonder…
Perhaps he was doing the exact thing that I was.
As in, If people were going to be rude – dislike, or reject him anyway, perhaps he wanted to decide why.

And that though has stayed with me ever since…

Because, I think many disabled people do this, intentionally or not.
Sometimes through clothing, other times through strange humour.
Sometimes through staying silent in times we are expected to speak- and at other times, through acting out in anger.
And sometimes, through rejecting other people… before they have a chance to reject us.

As a form of self-protection.

Then, last week – something happened that quietly challenged the story and the assumptions I’d had about myself for nearly 10 years.

One of my older classmates (a friend of a friend) looks at me during a barbacue get-together at my birthday and asks;

«How were you so incredibly good at English? I still remember how perfect your English was!»

And I laughed.

Not because the question was strange – I was very good at speaking English. But I laughed, because it was sooo different from what I had expected.
For over a decade I assumed the most merorable about me was my apperance.
Instead, the one thing he remembered the most,
was my skilled love of languages.

And it made me wonder…
How many stores are we continuing to tell ourselves, long after everyone else has forgotten them?

And if so, perhaps the hardest judge we carry throughout our lives, is the younger version of ourselves;
– The child who assumed every ‘double take’ was a form of rejection.
– The teenager who believed every immature insult was a form of truth.
– The young adult who confused insecurity with reality

And again, if so – maybe it is also about gently questioning the stories our younger selves left behind.
Because, other people often notice things we never see;
kindness and curiosity, various talents, humour or passion.
The things that feel ordinary to us, can often become ‘the thing’ someone else remembers decades later.

And perhaps those are the things worth remembering
the next time we look in the mirror!

—
Before I leave, I wanted to share one last thing with you…
Later this week, my family and I are heading for our cottage for a little summer vacation. This means that the blog will be having a little summer pause as well.

I am going to practice what I so often write about; like slowing down, reading good books – and spending time with the people I love,
while we enjoy the nature around us.

So, whether your own summer is stacked with fun adventures, or quiet moments with family and friends
I hope you will be able to do the same!

_____________________________________________________________

A small task for you, reader…

Think of someone you haven’t seen in years.
What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of them?

Now ask yourself:
«What is someone remembers you in exactly the same unexpected way?»

Maybe you were never defined by the things you’ve spent years trying to hide. And if you were, Maybe that is just a projection of that person’s own insecurities?

– Silje

«Representation is powerful – but inclusion is action».
– Stella Young

Scroll through social media for no more than five minutes, and you’ll see it: brands posting proud photos of employees with disabilities, campaigns celebrating «accessible workplaces» – or even #Inclusion trending in stories and feeds.
It feels hopeful… Like a promise.
But sometimes promises fall flat.
Just take a look at the job adverts you’ve applied for. Or the interviews you’ve attended. And the rejections you’ve gotten from it.

I do, and cant help but sit and wonder how many of those inclusion posts were just that – posts?

The Trend of Inclusion
From 2024 and onward,majour industries and high-profile companies have continued to declare that they are embracing disability inclusion.
The data however, tells a different story.
According to the OECD report Disability, Work and Inclusion (2022), people with disabilities in many countries remain about 40% less likely to be employed than those without (OECD).
Furthermore, in the Nordic Region, a deep-dive intoo the matter found the disability employment gap (DEG) shrank only a fifth between 2014 and 2023 – and that, despite having higher education, people with disabilities still faced majour barriers while looking for employment (pub.norden.org).

So yes – inclusion is being talked about. But accessibility; real adaption, actual hiring of disabled people? That’s still lagging behind.

The Gap Between Trend and Reality
Let’s pull apart why brand-inclusion and actual employment diverge so much:

Regardless of fields, regardless og companies – and regardless of whether its (tecnically) legal or not, hiring is still heavily biased. Studies in Norway found that even qualified candidates with disclosed disabilities recieve fewer callbacks than non-disabled peers.(pub.norden.org).
Many organizations treat accomodation as cost, not as an investment for further progress – as symbolic inclusions is easier than structural change. (sjdr.se)
Inclusion campaigns often focus on public images (representation) – rather than action (accessibility). A ramp might be built, but the role remains inaccesible for anyone needing to use it.
A 2017 statistics article from Norway found the employment rate among disabled people aged 15 – 66, was only 43% – compared to 73% for the whole population (SSB).
Then a recent 2023 update from Statistisk Sentralbyrå shows the employment rate of people with disabilities to be 52%, – while it is about 81% for the rest of the population (Statistikmyndigheten SCB).
Lastly, a study on employer attitudes in Norway, containing 951 Norwegian employers, and 8404 job seeker profiles, found that there’s a significatn hiring gap for candidates with disabilities – and that this gap varies substantially by industry. (sjdr.se).

All in all, the problem is pretty simple: when inclusion is a trend – we, as in disabled people, risk being celebrated tokens; visible for the photo, but invisible for the payroll.

My Story: When Accessibility Fails the Trend
While I have already mentioned this many times before, I wanted to reiterate it for the purpose of this post.
For two years I sent in over 400 job applications with no luck.
Despite a resume filled with various experience, despite my education and despite my ambition, I’ve repeatedly hit walls with no explanaition.

Jobs that said «flexible work-time» that actually meant «always be on». Interviews that praised my qualifications – with words like «With that resumé we have to get you intoo work!» – only to shut down right in my face.
Or several offers of volunteer work, but no paid employment…
Because I can’t pretend I don’t have epilepsy. I mean, spend more than an hour minutes with me, and you’ll come to find out one way or another…
And, legal or not – many workplaces still operate as if disability is a «nice to have» extra, not central to how work is organized.

And this infuritates me deeply. Not because of my story alone – but because I know people with several disabilities who are practically the heart and soul of their workplace. Who – when sick or on vacation, leaves the whole space in an uproar. And yet they’re supposedly ‘unessesary?» – Give me a break!

However, during this time of mindless searching and applying, I realised something…
While the trend might shine lights on inclusion, the system itself doesn’t always move. Because, it’s foundations aren’t built for people like me.
So, Instead of feeling sad or angry about it, I decided to shift instead,
Instead of waiting for the system to change, I began building my own. I created my first book – a productivity planner designed for me – and for all others with disabled-rhytms. I launched this blog, which is a nice way for me to feel a sense of purpose in my daily-life, even if no one ends up reading it.
Because, when the world won’t hire you, sometimes you have no choice but to build your own path, and just hope it leads somewhere…

Reframing the Narrative
So, here’s the good news, from me to you; you don’t have to wait for the trend to meet you.
You can define your own form of inclusion.
Instead of measuring yourself by the world’s blueprint of «full-time work»,
you measure your own blueprint of what you can do, what you value, and how you want to live. Sure, you may not be able to change your disabilities. If that’s a fact, the better way is to find a way to live with it, to the best of your ability. You buid tools for yourself – (like I build my planner) – through forms of creative work (or something else) – that fits you.
And you do this on your own time!

A Task for You
Choose one action this week:

Send one message to a company asking how they include disabled team members (not just if they do) – ask real questiuons.
OR, launch one project for yourself – a blog post, a creative piece, a micro service – and label it: «I made this for me, because I won’t wait for someone else to do it».
Record how it feels. What changes? What stays the same?
Let it be your measure of inclusion.

– Silje

Stikkord: Disabled Creator

The Person They Remember