«They tell women they reach a wall at 30. That somehow, beauty fades, fertility wanes and the world will stop listening; stop caring. But nature laugs at such a story – because, nature never built a wall. She built a gate».
– Silje Elsrud Yttervik
Much like many women of my generation, reaching the age of 30 seemed like such a fuzz. Apparantly; according to the social norms of ‘chronically-online-wannabe-gods’, women at the age of 30 is supposed to feel some sort of terrible way – and then just roll over and die. But, we all know that doesn’t happen. Instead, many women feel better, look prettier and and have generally better, healthier lives than they ever did during their 20s. I certainly know I do! And those who don’t – most often than not spent their entire teenage-/ very early adult stage, tied to some kind of man they now recognize as a master manipulator, beginning their 30’s with 2-3 kids they’re caring for all by themselves, while doing all housework and paying 50% of the bills. And, well – if that is your life, there’s no wonder you feel tired!
Regardless; the general construct seem to be that women over 30 hit «the wall». A form of ‘something’ that from one day to the next changes everything about her. Personally, I find it a bit funny. Because, once again – according to this wall, women are no longer beautiful, no longer fertile and always sad and bitter. And, there’s nothing realistic about this. Some of the most beautiful women out there (for anyone not litterally ‘pdf-files‘) are in their 40’s; when people feel free and authentic enough to be themselves. Some women have children as far as in their mid-to-late 40’s, so the fertility-aspect is not true either. And, lastly – it takes alot of time and effort to make groups of smiling, laughing women in their menopausal stage seem sad and bitter. The fact that certain people actually do that, should be enough to illustrate how little truth there is to it.
So, then what is the wall?
Well, the latest, general consensus amongst neurologists seem to be that human brains are only fully developed sometime between the age of 27-30. For young women, that is the age she becomes anchored in who she is, becomes less naive and more mature – and with it, much less difficult to manipulate.
So, when (especially) older, supposedly mature men, scream and shout that I should roll over and die, as I don’t have kids anyone can put on me, and I have no value beyond reproducing, I tend to find their talking points very – odd.
Because, If women actually were made just to reproduce, nature would make sure we could reproduce all our lives, kind off like men can. But, when a women reaches menopause, she (most often) has only lived half of her life. Or to put it another way:
«If women were meant only to bear children, nature wouldn’t have made them live half their lives beyond it».
– Silje Elsrud Yttervik
Men on the other hand is a different story. If they stay healthy, men can tecnically reproduce their entire life; a little boy is born – he gets to teenage age when he (biologically) can reproduce, gets older and older (while able to reproduce), then he dies. So if any sex is tecnically made only to reproduce other humans, it’s the menz…
Unfortionately, this double standard is intentional, and has through centuries-old attempts at changing nature, been baked intoo the design of society.
Biology speaks Truth
Within the animal realm , only a very few species experience female menopause; humans, some toothed whales (orchas, pilot whales) and elephants. In these species, females live long past their fertile years, often becoming central leading figures – as wise, powerful and very needed in their pack.
This is best explained by a concept many evolutionary Biologists and Anthropologists refer to as the Grandmother Hypothesis; which shows how post-reproductive women contribute significantly to the survival of descendants. Their presence alone improves child-rearing success, resource sharing, and transmission of wisdom.
One study with pre-industrial Finns found that women beyond reproductive age who helped raise grandchildren had better overall «fitness»trajectories for their lineage – suggesting that menopause is not a «defect» but rather an adaptive trait manily issued to women.
Based on this fact, is seems likely that nature designed these females in a much more generous way than what society seems to think. After all, she was designed to bear children, nurture them – and then lead society forward- for as long as life allows.
Patriarchy and its Backfire
One thing I find immensely Interestingly, is that out of the three animal species that experience female menopause, two out of the three have matriarchal societies. And the one that does not, have instead fought tooth-and-nail for centuries to prove that the patriarcal way is instead the natural way – and doing a very poor job at it!
The problem with human societies is that the patriarchy eats itself. Every time it silences a woman; a weaker less important part of the patriarchal-pyramid (according to itself), it also weakens the structure that holds it.
Furthermore, from a sociological lens, when highly-patriarchal laws are put in place, it leads to societies that prefer male children over females ones, creating laws that result in parents (litterally) killing their newborn baby-girls, hoping for a male one next. Such patriarchal talking points are another example of how short-sighted the patriarchy really is. Because, low and behold; these very same countries are now left with societies with up to 50 million more men than women;
men who are mad they can’t find a wife. Men who are mad and highly violent because they can’t regulate their emotions through sexual acts with women. And men who blame women for not wanting to date them; not taking intoo account that if (litterally) every woman in the country had a man, 50 million men would still be withouth a woman.
The true irony here is that the more these patriarchs tries to hord control over social assets and the people they belong too, the more they destabilize their own system.
The Psychological & Emotional Reflection
Many men seem angry when women over 30 refuse to be silenced or manipulated. They call us ‘past our value’ as though value has an expiration date stamped in (often) pre-teen-youth. They either don’t see that women as they age carry more perspective, more resilience and more ability to name injustice. Or, they see it and fear it, knowing that they themselves were planning on being the reason for said injustice.
Because, the wall they speak of isn’t real. It’s a ghost story used to keep power. All women have to do is to reclaim the «crone»-achetype; not as a symbol of decay, but rather as a sign of mastery, female wisdom and peace. She is someone who cannot be controlled by sex, fertility or validation. And when women cross that imaginary barrier – when they refuse to shrink, refuse to become invisible — they walk into a space of truth.
There is nothing to apologize for in growing older. I mean – congratulations!
We’re not dead yet!
“The wise woman isn’t bitter; she’s just free. And freedom looks dangerous to those who’ve only ever known control.”
– Silje Elsrud Yttervik
Authorities, Thinkers and Books to Ground You
- Riane Eisler, The Chalice and the Blade. She writes about the tension between “dominator” (patriarchal) models and partner/partnership models of society.
- Evelyn Reed, Woman’s Evolution: From Matriarchal Clan to Patriarchal Family. Looks at early human social systems that were matrilineal before the rise of the patriarchal family.
- Scholarly article: “Evolutionary, Developmental, and Comparative Perspectives on Menopause” — considers how humans and certain animals evolved life beyond reproductive age.
_
The Matriarch Returns
Despite a ton of patriarchs trying to frame it that way, Matriarchal societies is not about women ruling over men – it’s about balance. About remembering that the center of life was never meant to be domination, but care. Antropological research clearly shows that societies with more balanced gender roles, also create societies with less violence, higher social stability – and (generally) better lives for everyone; big or small, old or young.
The metaphorical wall they built for women is only a mirage.
And beyond it lies a throne.
A Task for you
Write a letter to your future self (5 or 10 years from now). Describe your power, your wisdom, your beauty. Then read it back. Let that future self know that you see them, and choose them, just as they are.
– Silje