On solidarity, sexual violence and the people who refuse to look away.
I was not planning on making a post today.
But the past week has filled me with such a rage and disgust – that I simply had not choice but to make one.
Because, I am FURIOUS!
Furious that once again, a young woman is at the centre of a case involving allegations of sexual violence by multiple men (AKA gang rape – «allegedly») across several hours, this time at Cornell University. I am furious that – once again, the handling of her case is now facing well-deserved, renewed scrutiny. And furious – (though unfortionately not surprised); that while all this is happening, her deserved privacy, dignity and fair investigation is at jeopardy, as several men online are reportedly trying to doxx her identity, which – if successfull, would probably lead to her being killed.
Now some may ask; but Silje – should’t the identity of the «allegged» gang-rapists, and the remaining fraternity ‘homeboys’ recive the same privacy? To which I say NO. Because, other women need to know who they are to be able to stay far away from them. And if they themselves were too dumb to realize that drunk and drugged people cannot consent to ANYTHING (thus making them partly guilty regardless) they shouldn’t be allowed to attend any Ivy Leage University in the first place!..
The allegations against these men are severe. The criminal investigation has been reopened, and the facts must be investigated properly.
But no investigation, court proceedings, or public debate gives strangers the right to turn a woman’s identity into a target.
A woman who reports sexual violence is not public property
Her name is not a price to be uncovered. Her trauma is not entertainment, and her privacy is not an obstacle for the internet detectives to overcome.
And if you, or anyone else you know are trying to identify her, spread her private information – or encourage others to do so, ask yourself; what exactly do you think you are accomplishing? You are not delivering justice, you are potentially just making a scared young woman into a dead young woman!
Now, while I do want to mention the men accused of committing sexual violence (AKA gang rape- «alleggedly») towards a young, intoxicated and drugged down woman, I also want to point a finger at the people who were aware of it, and chose to do nothing. The people who excuse it, enable it – and to those who simply decided that interviening would be too inconvenient for them.
And to the people who see a woman being attacked a second time by strangers online, who choose wholeheartedly to join the pigs intoo the mud -believe me; sooner or later your retribution will come.
Silence is not always neutral. And a crowd is not absolved of responsobility simply because everyone in it is doing the same thing.
On the contrary to what many people might believe, I am not writing this because I am afraid of men. Quite the opposite. I was raised by a father who taught me that standing up for someone matter more than status, authority, or the unspoken rules found in male camaraderie. He and my mother taught my sister and I to think clearly and calmly in dangerous situations, to trust our instinct – and to act when something is wrong.
And I, like most young girls, experienced sexual harrassment since before I hit puberty. Furthermore, as of today, men have attempted to rape me on three seperate accounts. But I fought back like a feral cat each time; becoming loud, agressive and completely unwilling to cooperate – and they backed away and ran, on every occation.
But I am fully aware that I am the exception.
I am grateful that I got out of those situations unharmed. I also know that not everyone has the ability to fight back.
Survival is not a test of character, and freezing, fawning or being unable to resist, does not make anyone responsible for the violence committed against them.
The responsibility belongs to the person who chooses to violate another person!
And that responsibility does not dissapear because of alcohol, drugs, peer pressure, fraternity ‘culture’, reputation or the fear of challenging one’s friends.
And if your loyalty to your friends require you to ignore them violating another person’s rights, and ignoring said person’s suffering – perhaps it’s time to reconsider what you call ‘loyalty’, reconsider who you call ‘friend’.
And if you can witness someone being harmed and think only about how inconvenient it would be for you to intervene, you need to ask yourself what kind of person you are choosing to become.
I know many good men. I was raised by one. And he has intervened in many situations during my childhood. My dad taught me that courage is not about how frightening you can be (though he can be terrifying if he wants to!) – but true courage, is about what you are willing to stand up for, when standing up actually costs you something.
And men are not powerless to change this culture for the better. They can challenge their friends, refuse to laugh along. They can intervene safely, report what they witness, support survivors and stop treating accountability as a betrayal of their gender!
During the past few days, as I have seen more and more men speak out publicly against sexual violence against women, and the current rape-culture embedded in justice systems throughout the world, And with it, I do feel a little less hopeless about the future.
Now, I am not Jane Doe. I will not pretend to speak for her, or know everything she has experienced. But as a woman, and a human being – I can stand beside her without demanding that she reveals her identity to earn my solidarity.
I can say that the allegation imposed upon Cornell and the previous Chi Phi frat members are severe, and deserve a proper investigation. I can condemn sexual violence, and the intimidation of survivours that has been allowed to run ramp online for decades.
And I can refuse to help people turn an anonomous woman’s identity intoo a public spectacle.
To those who have experienced sexual violence and are watching this unfold: you do not have to be fearless, furious or able to fight back to deserve support.
#IAmJaneDoe is not about claiming another woman’s experience as my own. It is about making sure that she does not have to stand alone.
– Silje